So, my portfolio class is destroying my patience and is driving me up the wall.
I didn't want to talk about what happened since I was infuriated about what happened in my portfolio class on Friday and I wanted to calm down a bit before I wrote anything so I played a bit of Warframe and chatted with a friend; both really helped me a lot.
Any who, before I talk about what happened yesterday, a little information about my portfolio teacher. He loves 3D, a lot, and he is basically forcing every student in the class, willing or not, to put some form of 3D work in their portfolios. Me, I am not good with 3D nor do I like working with it but this teacher still insists I do work I'm not good with because "the industry demands it". I am a character designer and 2D animator and I hate working with 3D, especially Zbrush.
On the first week of this semester, every student had to present some of their work to the teacher to give him examples of our work and such. As he was going around, I was preparing my work and when it was my turn to show him my work, I would say, he hated my work.
He looked through my drawings and I saw a look on his face that said he was unimpressed with what he saw. He said my poses are dynamic, but my work is not suited for the industry because I don't draw backgrounds behind my character drawings... I kid you not, he really said this. Continuing on, I showed him my animations. He said they're decent and didn't have any reaction upon seeing them when I showed him my animations. The teacher then goes on to me about how I draw in the "anime" style and that my work is not acceptable in the industry and that I should model some of my characters in 3D. I told him that I cannot model a character in 3D and he retorts with "So, you quit?" I told him no and again told him that I literally cannot do a character model in 3D. Again, he retorts with "So you quit?" He also told me that if I can draw characters in dynamic poses in 2D, I can sculpt in 3D... He then leaves and goes onto the next student, next thing I hear is this guy praising the student so much and I kept hearing him saying "Wow! This is great! I love this!" and he spends the rest of the class looking at their work. I lost what little is left of my self- esteem that day.
Moving onto the present day, or should I say, yesterday, it gets worse. The class had to present rough drafts of their demo reels and mine wasn't ready so I spent some time to add some work, my external hard drive's cradle is broken so I can't access my old work that I can present. As the teacher was looking at the students reels, he gave some bits of criticism and didn't say anything too harsh/rash to the students. He simply told them which work to present first and which ones to take out. When it finally gets to my turn, the teacher ignores me even though he asks me for my reel. When I was rendering my reel, he gets distracted by Zbrush and presents some stuff. A student makes it worse by telling him about some new brush tool in that program and the teacher continues to ignore me and goes to look for this new brush. I was ignored for about 5-10 minutes, waiting for him to criticize my reel. When he finally gets the new brush and sees my reel in the class folder he takes a look at it. He was disappointed with my work, again. He said there was "no movement" in my reel and my animations are "decent" but not good enough to be presentable. And for one of my animations, he says this, and I quote "This is not animation. There's no movement at all. It's just a lip sync." and then he proceeds to mock me and the animation by imitating it. And again, he keeps asking me "Where are the character models? Are you going to do any?" even though I told him over and over again that I cannot model a character in 3D. I even told him last week that if I could do a 3D animation instead and he said yeah. Oh, and to make things worse, the animations I showed him in my reel, he saw them last week and said they looked fine. But yesterday, he tells me they're bad.
I grew very infuriated and I feel like the teacher specifically hates my work because he has not belittled the other students like he did me. He says "I'm going to be a total dick to you guys so I can push you hard and make you guys present great work" (Yes, he actually said that) but yet, he praises everyone in the class but me. He trashes my work left and right while the rest of the class gets a free pass. As if I didn't have enough self-esteem issues, this man makes it worse by treating me like a piece of crap. It's people like him why I think my art is no good. But I know what you guys are gonna say, "Don't let his words get to you" or something along the lines of not letting his words influence me on the view of my own art. But it's hard for me to do so, when his stupid comments about my art keep floating around in my head. The day after the first day in my portfolio class, I literally could not draw. My hands felt weak and my mind was empty. All I kept thinking about were his stupid comments. The day after, I felt a little bit better, but I still couldn't draw anything. I tried sketching, but nothing. I felt like I lost my ability to draw. I felt like nothing.
I just wish I could get over this class already. I just want to graduate and leave.
Listening to: Galshell 2 - Boss Theme